Monday, December 13, 2004


So, I'm over 30 and still unmarried. Not too concerned overall. I still think I am a pretty good catch and get better every day. In the past few years, I've bought a home, become a better cook and learned to sew and garden. I've become fairly domesticated. I'm smart, have a good educational background and am considered a decent conversationalist. I'm in decent shape, hitting the gym a couple times a week usually. When I was younger, I always had a boyfriend. I love men and I never really had a problem with them being attracted to me.

The availability and quality of the single men in the Washington DC area is amazingly poor. I have been amazed what is left out there. Overall, they are just not that great. All the good ones are either married or gay. Seriously. This is not a joke. I don't think I'm asking for too much. I want a single guy with no kids who's attractive (and attracted) to me, as tall as I am, kind, smart, and funny. He has to have a job. He has to like to travel and try new things. I just don't get this.

Right now, I've found one guy that I like. We've been dating almost two months. Let's call him "J." J is smart, funny and cute with a decent body. He's never been married. J has got a good job, which he loves. Sounds great right? But, he just acts not that into me physically. I just love having my hands on him. J says he is patient. If I try to talk about feelings, even about what feels good, then he says I talk too much. He makes a joke of it somewhat with comments like "you know men don't like too talk about this stuff." Occasionally, I can tell J is attracted to me - the way he holds me tight and pulls me close. But, it feels like he is holding himself back. Or he doesn't know what he is doing. That's always a possibility. I don't know what to do about it. If we can't talk about things, how are we ever going to move forward?

And I don't know what the expectations are -- are we dating exclusively - I have no idea. I don't need a label, but it does make it easier. Is he my boyfriend? I don't know. It muddles things for me.

Why can't people just be honest with how they feel. Is it so hard to just say "hey, I like you" or just "I want to spend more time with you." I feel I am honest and open with people about my feelings. I don't want to spend my life around someone I like and not tell them. Or again spend my time around someone who I don't like. The deal is I like him, I really like him.

If either person is feeling the relationship is not going to move forward, then they have an obligation to tell the other person. I only keep seeing a person who can at least envision possibly going to the next step with me. If J doesn't see any future for us, I need to know that. I am too old to waste time. If he's not interested then he needs to tell me. I can't stand all this uncertainty.

Dating sucks.


Post a Comment

<< Home