Monday, June 06, 2005

I'm slipping back...

That's right. I am slipping back into my addiction. At first, the drugs kept it at bay. I avoided places where it was readily available. I was stoic in the face of temptation. I thought I could hide from the pressure. I thought I could deal with my life without my vice. Now, I've been kicked off the drugs -- all the friends are doing it around me. My boyfriend is even having the occasional one. Everyone seems to have forgotten, including me, how hard it was to kick the last time.


I was wrong. Again.

For the third time in the past 5 years, my attempt at smoking is faltering. The last two times I tried to quit, I didn't make it more than 6 months or so. And it's been just over 5 months. I broke down on the way home last Thursday and bought a pack. I had three cigarettes on Thursday, four or five on Friday (a friend came by and had a few with me), and then another six or seven on Saturday. By Sunday, I had to buy another pack. And I smoked like eight of them. I can't stop myself. It's so much easier than the alternative. My cravings were kicking in. I needed something to help me kill off the edge. So, I smoked.

And I hate it.

So, I'm going to try to keep it under control. See if I can go without for the whole work day. I wish I could get away with being a social smoker or just having one or two a day.

I may have to pick up some patches. Right now, I think it's mostly psychological. I just need to push myself. I need to stop. One day at a time. Hopefully, when I start to exercise again, it will be easier to quit. I hope.

5 Comments:

At 11:17 AM EDT, Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I feel for you, I really do. I quit for ten years then one day while on vacation (with a bunch of friends), I picked up a cig whilst having an adult beverage and that was it, I was smoking again just as if I'd never quit!

Good luck to you...you can do it! :)

 
At 11:19 AM EDT, Blogger amy said...

As Rob Schneider says (over and over again) in The Waterboy, "You can doooit!"

 
At 2:30 PM EDT, Blogger Corona Red said...

Thanks Amy and Stacy. Thanks for the encouragement. I've already had two cigarettes today, so not doing too great.

 
At 11:21 AM EDT, Blogger PapaEricFresh said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:24 AM EDT, Blogger PapaEricFresh said...

Is your family or anyone really close to you, other than your boy friend, that is against smoking know about your addiction?

If not then tell them, the fuel to addiction is secrets.

I'm sure they know though but maybe you just need to let it out somehow.

 

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