Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The Boyfriend Has Left the Building

Tara, Katya, Leesa, Amy, and Jay - thanks to all of you for your help and support. It really helped me to finally do something about this relationship. You have no idea how much.

So, it's officially over.

We met for dinner at a neutral restaurant halfway between my home and his. I didn't really give him any set-up. Just said let's meet for dinner. He arrived about 10 minutes late (of course). Then, we chat through dinner -- nothing in particular, just how was your day and how are your friends kind of stuff. So, I am looking for an opening. I finally segway somewhat awkwardly into it.

I started with asking if he was happy with us - our relationship. He hesitated and said something about not wanting to get into it tonight. I said this was his shot. He had better answer. He said yes. He had no complaints. I asked where he thought it was going. Wow -- should have seen him start to sweat at that. He hymms and haws about how he doesn't really think about it. He isn't thinking about marriage right now. I almost laughed. I said "of course you're not thinking about marriage -- neither am I, believe me."

I told him everything I discussed in the previous blog and more. I talked about how I thought he was emotionally unavailable and that maybe it was due to his Catholic sense of guilt or his family. I told him that I didn't want to be in this relationship alone.

His response: "You're right. I can't argue about anything you just said." WHAT???

He says he has the "blahs." What? Then, why did he get on www.match.com? He said it was because he thought it would shake him out of it. I told him I can't make him happy -- only he can. I told him his affect is flat -- he just never seems to be there emotionally and that is not right. It's not natural and he will never be happy nor make anyone else happy until he does something about it. He needs to see a therapist. He needs to want to get better.

After about one and a half hours of talking all about our relationship, I finally asked what he thought we should do about this. He at first was like "well if you want to see other people I guess that you could." I started crying at this. That isn't the problem and it's not a solution. I said I think he needs to get therapy and when he's ready for a relationship, he should let me know. Until then, I told him we should stop seeing each other.

He finally looks a bit distraught and asks if we can still be friends. He said he really liked taking me flying and wanted to do that again sometime. I told him sure.

You know the weird thing. He saw a picture of me from my purse and said I looked pretty. I told him that was the first compliment he had given me in 9 months. And then, he said he really like me, too. Unlike any girl he has ever met. Another compliment. So, two in 9 months. And only the second time he told me he liked me -- in 9 months.

He already e-mailed me twice today asking how I was doing and asking if he could still go no travel with me next month. I'm not sure about it. But, I'll keep you posted.

8 Comments:

At 12:36 AM EDT, Blogger Leesa said...

Wierd, my guy had a strong catholic background too. It sucks now, but you'll realize what a relief it is. When you meet someone else you will say, "Why did I even put up with that?". Trust me, I did. Many times.

 
At 7:30 AM EDT, Blogger Katya said...

awwww i'm sorry, but not as well, does that make sense...i hope you can both move on and find someone who will truly love you like you deserve...

*hugs*

 
At 10:01 AM EDT, Blogger Katya said...

ok interview questions...here goes...

1. who would your ideal dinner guest be, present or past

2. If you could have a special power, what would it be

3. Given the option would you like to live forever

4. What three words best describe you

5. Which TV/Book/Film character would you like to be and why

and then add this at the bottom

Now the rules

1. Leave me a comment saying 'interview me please'
2. I will respond by asking you five questions here on my blog (not the same questions you see here)
3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

hope you enjoy...

:0)

 
At 11:28 AM EDT, Blogger Brandie said...

You're very brave for confronting him about the issues in your relationship and trying to work something out. It's sad that he just seems unable to make the effort right now. I hope things work out well for you, hon.

 
At 11:53 AM EDT, Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Crap! I go away for a little while and BAM!!!!

Sorry I missed the happenings with the boyfriend...:(


I agree with Katya...perhaps now you both can move on. Hey girl, you never know what (or better yet, who!) is right around the corner, right? ;)

 
At 8:05 AM EDT, Blogger amy said...

Sorry I'm late on commenting on this one (though you've been on mind and I've been sending you the good vibes) ... but you did the right thing, and I'm proud of you for handling it the way you did.

Good for you! Huzzah!

Now, on to bigger, and better things. And for enjoying life with those who love and respect you for who you are.

 
At 12:06 PM EDT, Blogger Tara said...

Good for you and don't mention it. One of your prior blogs made me move on from my ex. You had mentioned giving a relationship 6 months before moving on because it was more than enough time to figure stuff out and I agreed and applied that principle...I've been so much happier since!

 
At 7:38 PM EDT, Blogger Jay said...

It's never easy to see relationships end, but obviously you are at the point where it just makes sense to part ways. I do hope he gets the help he needs. He's not a bad guy, and he deserves to be happy, and if he can't be happy with someone as terrific as you, then he really should see a therapist. Meanwhile, I am certain that there is someone terrific lurking around a corner somewhere. What a relief it will be to start over in a new relationship sometime down the road, and really be appreciated.

 

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