Thursday, July 07, 2005

The Boyfriend

Several of you have asked. So, an update....

The boyfriend and I are going on our 9th month together now. And it's really weird still.

I have never been in a relationship where I was so insecure about the guy. I've never had a boyfriend who I thought didn't really want to be with me. They usually thought I was the greatest things since sliced bread. They couldn't wait to see me, they wanted to sleep with me, and they wanted to kiss me all the time. Past boyfriends have told me I'm beautiful, my hair is beautiful, or they wanted to bury themselves in the "girls" (aka breasts). They wanted me to feel good about myself, them and our relationship. I've never been hidden away from family and friends. And I've never been so unsure if someone wanted to marry me. And I don't like the change.

Jay doesn't like to kiss me. Weird - I know. He doesn't like French kissing -- something about his facial hair makes it not scratchy. (Of course, my response - "well, then shave it off!" If you had to choose between kissing the wo/man you date, wouldn't you do what you could to be as physically close to that person as possible? I know I would.)

Jay never has a compliment for me. He has never said I look nice, better yet beautiful. Never said he liked my outfit or my hair. He's never said anything mean either. My body just seems invisible in this relationship. Once I was going through some old photos with him and wanted his opinion about something -- anything. I practically begged for an opinion about me and his only commute -- well, I liked your hair with bangs. Bangs!! That's the best he could do.

Jay doesn't really normally seem to want to see me a lot. He's been out of the country for about three weeks. He got back on the Fourth of July, but said he was "too tired" to get together. Now, in the past three days, he has called me like five times to try to set up a time. So, we'll see. Of course, I'm free on Saturday night, but he has some football thing he wants to go to until 9 p.m. Now, what man chooses football over seeing his girlfriend? It's not even a game -- just a bunch of old players doing autographs at the mall.

And in the past eight months, I haven't met one friend or family member. In fact, he has only told one of his sisters about me. No one else. He says his friends know, but yet I haven't met him. He's been out with my friends, met my parents, and had dinner twice with my sister and her family. I am certainly not hiding him.

Did I mention how uninterested he was in my body? We have little sex. He doesn't hold my hand much. He really seems rather uninterested. And the sex itself -- don't get me started! He has no clue. Barely touches me while we are doing so. I have to take the lead each time. He doesn't have any idea how to seduce a woman. It doesn't get really sweaty nor adventurous. I can't even get into all the issues.

So, what is the deal?

He was home for two days in between his two trips, but I was on a work trip to Atlanta. So, he called me several times to chat. I teased him asking if he missed me. And he can't even say that.

There's zero romance, zero passion. You know that I haven't gotten flowers once in that time frame. I love flowers!

I don't understand what he wants. And I am frustrated. So, yes he might be history after this weekend.

Each time I have thought this was going to happen, he does something that is kinda sweet, nice even. So, we'll see. And every time, I've fallen back into this mess.

I like him so much, but I can't stand being in this relationship. Does that make sense?


At 8:36 AM EDT, Blogger Tara said...

I could blog all day on this one. Who choses a football game over his ex...not the word "ex".

Corona, I am not telling you what to do, but it is evident from your post that you are completely unfulfilled and you do not deserve that from someone who is SUPPOSE to be your companion. Case closed.

It is really easy to fall back into the "mess" as you put it. I know ALL TOO WELL. Trust me though, it is not worth the stress, time and effort. And if he makes you feel insecure on any level that he simply is not worthy of a person like you.

At 9:52 AM EDT, Blogger Katya said...

i tend to agree with Tara, he is so unloving its like you are already married, some of the things you mention are a bit like my hubby, the dislike of french kissing (which wasn't a problem when we were dating)and the lack of interest or input of his opinions...move on and find someone who loves you like you deserve to be...


At 5:33 PM EDT, Blogger Leesa said...

I was in a relationship JUST LIKE THIS about 10 years ago. They might as well be twins. I finally had to end it.
In three years he never introduced me to his parents. His sister knew about me only. His friends and parties were always more important. That included The Redwings & The pistons. He was not romantic, he traveled alot and when he got back he was "too tired" to come see me. Girrrlll, I know how you feel. Not to be negative to you, but he won't change. This guy didn't change in 3 years no matter how much I tried, or how good I was to him.

At 8:46 AM EDT, Blogger amy said...

I can't disagree with anything said here, Corona. It seems like an awful shell of a relationship and you really do deserve someone who if not worships you, then at least takes some interest and respects you.

You can do so much better, sweetie. Good luck.

At 2:16 AM EDT, Blogger Jay said...

Reading this is so frustrating because there's a whole laundry list of strikes against him. You have repeatedly said you have conflict with him, how are you still with him? You have the patience of a saint. Really. I know you see some merit in him, or else you wouldn't be with him. But it's just not worth it. You're waiting for him to realize how wonderful you are and start treating you like you deserve to be, but that might never happen. Meanwhile, you could miss out on meeting Mr. Wonderful!!!

So tell us, what is so great that you could still be with a guy who treats you like this?


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