Thursday, July 21, 2005

Women Friends...The Good, The Bad, and the Strange

Women friends...I've spent a great deal of time thinking about this lately. I have some terrific girlfriends, some not so great and the strange.

The Terrific

Rose and B are some of the greatest friends ever. Rose, in particular, is the woman I would choose to be my friend every day of the week and twice on Sundays. She's just amazing. She totally knows me and never judges. We talk about everything. I have no secrets from her (except this blog which she knows exists but doesn't know the name of it). Rose and B are both great listeners. Basically, I can call any time day or night and they are totally there for me. Last week, when I broke with Jay, I called Rose on my way over there and talked to her about it. She said she was home, offered to open a bottle of wine and talk afterwards. She knew I would need that. Of course, I joke I keep her around because she knows where the bodies are buried.

The Not So Great

This weekend, I went away with a group of women I used to work with (at a college in North Carolina). There are normally six of us - three married, three not, three still in higher education, three not. Only five of us could go. We went to one of the girl's (Flo's) parents' condo at a small North Carolina beach. It was fun. I haven't seen the girls in almost a year. And in some ways, I really love them all. However, four of them are really "not so great" friends. Flo is awesome -- totally warm and loving, not judgemental. She is always interested in my friends and family and is genuinely a great person. The other four are different. Two of them are rather bitchy and judgemental. I can be a bit bitchy myself, but I try to keep it under control. It's like they are trying to make me feel bad about choices I have made. One wasn't there, so I am reserving judgement. The other one is just kinda "blah" - I don't find her very interesting for some reason. But they can also be great listeners and I do enjoy their humor and stories. I really wanted to get the Harry Potter book on Friday night and they were all happy to go with me - no complaining or harassing me about the book. It was very cool of them. So, most of them are "not so great," but they aren't strange or bad friends either. Flo, however, belongs in the terrific territory.

The Strange

So, the strange ones. There are a couple. The best example is Joce. Joce is a woman I used to work with. She's in her early 50's, never married, and bitter about it. She's bitter in general. She's obsessed with hockey right now. She's also the worst dresser you've ever seen (she wears mismatched pastels from head to toe). And she complains like crazy. But, something about her keeps me friendly with her. Last night, I ran into her in the courtyard outside work and she proceeded to go on and on about some hockey player and how excited she was he was coming to play in the U.S. I have no idea who this player is. But, if it makes Joce happy, I'm okay with it.

If they move past driving me batty, then they move into the Bad Friend category. I don't really have those anymore. I just cut them out of my life. I don't need friends like that. I cut one person out last year and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Sometimes, friends seem to drift away rather than be pulled. Last week, I was standing at the airport in North Carolina and my cell rings. A woman says "this is a voice from your past." And I had no idea who it was. I was a bit spooked at first. Turned out to be one of my closest friends from college, Cat. She got married right out of college and we tried to keep in touch regularly. I lost touch with her about three years ago. And she called out of the blue. I couldn't believe it. It was great to reconnect with her. I really enjoyed talking with her. Cat is just a wonderful, funny person.

So, it's been an interesting week of female friends. Just thought I would share.


At 12:15 PM EDT, Blogger amy said...

I think it's really very good of you to know where you stand with your friends, and where you lump them in the categories of your life. Not every friend is going to be a best friend, and there are plenty who won't be even be worth your time, yet you'll keep them around for whatever reason (hey, I have people who for whatever reason keep me around ... I'm ok with it).

At 2:14 PM EDT, Blogger amy said...

Oh ... and I keep forgetting to mention this ... but when I post to your blog I get a message in my inbox that says your email address is unavailable or something ... not sure what that is all about, but I just wanted to let you know in case anyone else was having the same problem.


At 4:38 PM EDT, Blogger Tara said...

Good post...I too get the email thing that Amy is talking about.

At 8:06 AM EDT, Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I have a few friends but VERY few close friends. It's good you know where they all stand, you know?

And yes, ditch the "bad friends"...a.s.a.p.

At 9:31 AM EDT, Blogger Katya said...

see i need some of that common sense that says ditch the bad friends...

i too have very few friends, but the ones i have i would do anything for...

have a great weekend...and have your finished Harry Potter yet, i'm just under half way thru...



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