Corona Red Roses

Remember The One??

I think every woman has one of these from her past. "The One" -- you know, the one you met and thought I could marry this man and be happy for the rest of my life. The one who seemed to just be perfect for you. He was smart, but not a total egghead. He was fun and funny. He really listened when you talked. And his kisses took your breath away. And when he looked at you, the whole world seemed to fade away. Your world seemed surrounded by flowers and sunshine. And you wanted to just burst into song and smiles at everyone you encountered.

Some people are lucky -- they get to keep "the one." Unfortunately, not me. At least, I didn't get to keep him romantically. I haven't really mentioned Allen before. In some ways, it is just too much.

He once told me my hair was like the sun -- the corona shades of the sun. That is where part of my on-line name comes from. He liked me just the way I was.

We have known each other since high school. Back then, I had a boyfriend and I thought he wasn't really interested in me romatically. We were incredibly good friends. He was an exchange student for a year here in Virginia. He's from Europe.

We kept in touch, seeing each other every 3 to 5 years for the past 16 years. About 8 years ago, we ended up making out at a mutual friend's wedding. About 3 years ago, we ended up sleeping together while I was visiting him in Guatemala.

And then he told me he is bisexual. That was quite shocking, especially because I've dated a lot of gay men (before they came out, of course). And it's a bit damaging to a woman's ego.

Now, we are friends again. But, I still think of him as "the one." I just spent the weekend visiting him in New York and he told me about the new guy in his life. Some French guy -- oh, how I hate the French. So I am still a bit jealous. I have to force myself to smile and be good about it. I figure that is what friends are for.

I wouldn't give his friendship for anything, even a chance a romance. The one time we tried it really almost destroyed me. And now, I just think we would self destruct -- we are not meant to be together romantically. I get that -- I do. Romantically, he's my fantasy, that's all. And every woman needs her fantasy.

I just have to be careful to keep this fantasy version of him to myself. Also, I have to remind myself that no other man will meet that fantasy, but that is what a fantasy is. I will meet someone someday. And he'll be the right guy, not just a fantasy guy.

I did see a palm reader once. She told me I would marry later in life and it would be great love. If I did marry young, that love would end tragicly. So, this is better.

This is somewhat all over the place, but I just wanted to get my feelings out on paper. My birthday is approaching, plus I have PMS. So, believe me, this is better than killing someone.

posted by Corona Red @ 9:57 AM