Closing Down My Blog on Monday 3/19/2007
I just wanted to let my faithful readers (not that I have many) know what is happening with me before I sign off of anonymous blogging. A couple of thoughts...
The blogging, for me, was so great as a way to deal with my emotions. I was thinking about this this morning. I used to journal when I was unhappy. When I was unhappy, I put those feeling into words -- which is why I sound half crazy and depressed in them. My blog is the same for me. A place to put words when I am feeling depressed. I need it to be anonymous -- I need the darkness that it allows. My family and friends see me as the "happy" one -- I try to be optimistic and upbeat. So, when I wasn't, I hid it in journals and then my blog. And now I am blissfully happy now, so I just haven't been in the mood to write. CJ and I are doing great -- he's the one for me and I have a feeling we'll be engaged within a year and married with two years. And I am looking forward to it.
I will try to get those photos of my completed house renovation up before I close down, so check back.
I did love reading. Jay writes some incredibly insightful material -- usually makes me laugh. I really enjoyed keeping up on Ms. Mac and her family - such an emotional writer. The Peanut Queen -- so absolutely funny. I knew I would smile reading her blog. Tara writes from her heart -- so you feel you almost know her. The Welsh girl is warm and inviting. Others I loved for their pureness -- they wrote what they were feeling. Thank you all for sharing your life with me. I feel blessed to have known you. I will keep reading many of you -- I just won't be able to comment on them all.
Best of luck to you and yours.
I'm Happy...really Happy
I know it seems strange. But, I'm happy, really happy with CJ. And there's no but.
You know the "I'm happy but .... I wish the sex was better" or "but I hope he can deal with my family." Or whatever. This time no "buts."
It feels right this time. It feels easy. I am not anxious -- I feel us moving along and think this is a man I could be with forever. And it doesn't scare me to say that. I really enjoy him. He's easy to talk to. We talk for a hour to hour and a half, every day for a month now. We talk about anything and everything. We don't keep secrets. It's entirely different with him.
I can feel it happening. I'm falling in love with him again. Only this time, I'm ready and so is he. It's only been a month in some ways. But, in others, he has always been there.
Life is good.
New Boyfriend
That's right. Once again, I am attempting to try to date again. We shall see how it goes.
So who is the lucky man? Well, it's
C.J.. What the hell? Well we spent most of last weekend together - from Friday to Tuesday morning, mostly in the evenings. And we talked and we talked. Almost to the point of whether we would ever need to talk again. Yet, we have every day for an hour since I got back to D.C.
So, yes, I have a new boyfriend. I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know if he's the one. But, I am going to check things out.
I'll keep you posted.
More Democrats and No More Rummy!
Yeah!!
It looks like the Democrats pulled this one together and as a bonus, no more Donald Rumsfield.
I am so glad that the Democrats took back so much -- maybe we'll finally be a real democracy again. Maybe, we'll actually have some balance in our activities. Rather than all this right wing, conservative, religious crap being shoved down our throats!
Yeah!!
Good. Now, maybe someone with some intelligence will find a way to get our men and women home sooner and keep them safer until then. Maybe, just maybe we will actually start to make some progress in assisting that country and be able to get the hell out before too long!
Trying to Wrap Up So Many Things
I tell you it has been the month of weirdness. I am still working on wrapping up the house remodel - -I promise pictures soon. I still want to finish a few more items before I take the final shots.
CJ and I are still talking and due to some crazy family crap I am going home this week to Indiana for a few days, so I arranged to stay with him. I told my family that I am staying with "a friend." We're still talking and I am really looking forward to seeing him. It's strange to think that as I never expected this to happen. I am taking Stacy's advice and just going for it.
No word on Clark Kent, the guy coming back from the middle East. The other Indiana guy is still texting and he called the other day (I didn't catch it). I don't think I'll mention I'll be in town to him. And the other guys have kinda fallen away at the moment.
Work has been nuts. I have a new arch nemesis -- the Nun. I swear when she starts talking all I can see is a Nun in a habit with a ruler in her hand. She is making me crazy. I may have to smack her.
My blogger is acting up, so I hope this works. I'll touch base with you all soon -- and thanks to Jay and Stacy the Peanut Queen for the thoughts and advice. I appreciate it.
Old Boyfriends -- Just can't shake them.
Okay, so the last month, I have been a bit overwhelmed with the old boyfriends. First, there's the one who came to help me with my house (CJ). Then we have the Indiana boy who keeps texting me. And then of course Allen and W, the former who likes both genders and the latter who prefers men. I also heard from an old high school boyfriend, Joe. And the guy I like from office is coming back from the Middle East (he's in Marine reserves) and asked for my numbers. And an old student of mine who kept asking me out just send me a message through myspace. They are coming out of the woodwork.
So, first let's deal with CJ. A bit of history...we dated about 1.5 years while I was in college. We broke up for several reasons about 9 years ago when I was finishing college. He consequently quit speaking to me. He was very angry. I remember he was the only boyfriend I had who returned every single thing I had ever given him (every gift, trinket, card, etc...) when we broke up. It was strange. Well, my dad and him became great friends and they have kept in touch all these years. Him and I have not spoken at all until about 2 months ago. My dad suggested I contact him because he was coming out to VA from the midwest to help out another friend of his and would also be able to help me out with my home renovation. I hesitated and asked repeatedly if my dad was sure CJ would be interested. Dad seemed confident, so I called and we struck up a cordial relationship. When he got here to help with the renovation, we met at my place so I could show him everything. Well, we started talking and I found out the reason he quit speaking to me. It's a bit overly dramatic, but I'll share anyway.
He said that a few months after we broke up, he saw me at a wedding and didn't say hello. I do remember this wedding, but have no real recollection of anything interesting happening there. I was a bridesmaid, so I know I was there. Anyway, supposedly, I got angry (and was wasted) about him not saying hello. So, supposedly, I talked to this IRS woman there. He claims she told him that I said he beat and raped me. Now, I would NEVER ever joke or falsely accuse anyone of either of these things. They are beyond the norm -- just left field. Well, anyway, the agent decided to go after him and audited him later that year. She told him what I allegedly said and then proceeded to ream him through the audit process - cost him a good chunk of change.
Anyway, I was shocked. I can't even fathom anything like this. I would never, no matter how drunk I was, say something like that about CJ or any guy. CJ is heavily involved in women's issues, so he was deeply hurt by the accusations. I mulled this over for days and was still flabbergasted for an explanation. And basically I told him I was a bit offended that he would believe some lunatic lady when we knew each other so well. And especially, since I didn't leave him on bad terms, I had no real animosity towards him.
So, that was weird. Once we got past that (and CJ thought more objectively about it), we started talking lots. We had dinner together several nights in a row and just started hanging out. We even began to talk about how everyone was asking us what was going on and if we were getting back together. And we admitted there was chemistry between us. I just told him I thought it wasn't a good idea for us to get together. He even tried the whole "we're all adults." But, the longer we hung out, the more comfortable I became. And before I knew it, he stayed at my house for a week and a half. He is by far the best sex I've ever had - bar none. And he's sweet and he's nice. And he treats me well.
Of course, I was determined to keep this short term. And when he left, it was fine. I was actually glad to see him go -- I wanted my house back to myself so much. However, within a few days, I missed him. I missed coming home to someone, having someone to share my day. I missed his arms around me, next to me in bed. I missed the way he really listened to me and shared his life with me.
So, now we're talking -- via e-mail and phone. I have no idea what is happening here. He is not the guy I want to be the one, but what if he is. What if he is who I should be with, but I'm being stubborn, because he doesn't fit my idea of "the one." Alright, I'm making myself crazy right now.
So, CJ is the one I'm dealing with now. More on the others as they develop.
Update on Home Renovation
Every book I read warned me that the last few weeks of the project are the most annoying. I seem to have found that to be true. I am just so ready for it to be done. This "we'll be done tomorrow" thing repeatedly has gotten tiredsome. I want to be finished - I want my life back. I feel like all I do is obsess about this house.
This weekend, my life revolved around the house. On Friday night, I brought down more boxes from upstairs and continued to unpack. I met up with Anne and did a quick swim at the local Rec Center. I went to Home Depot and made a big return. I also taped up the entire old living room space. I then started ripping out this ugly banister that I have wanted to get rid of. I also primed the walls and ceiling. I realized I left my "to do" list at work, so decided to drive in to work on Saturday. I participated in the AIDS walk in DC on Saturday and was able to park at my office building. Then, I spent some time at Lowe's -- a few returns. I stopped by the Halloween Store -- got a few decorations to light up the place. Also, I looked at Bed, Bath and Beyond, along with Target and Lowe's for trashcans -- of course, the ones I like are over $80. They are just trashcans -- I just can't see spending that much. I then finished up the banister and started patching it. I did some more patching on the walls in the hallway. Then, I painted the ceiling in the old living room. The drawers and cabinets in the kitchen are now all filled with some items. And I was even able to move a few items up from the basement.
On Monday, I painted the walls of the old living room. I know I need to do another coat on the ceiling, but I figured at least this way, I am getting closer to appearing done. Also, I am almost out of ceiling paint. I got up some of the Halloween decorations. I got all the trash out -- took up half of the sidewalk strip out in front of the house -- I couldn't believe how much trash there was. I also swept the entire first floor twice. I need to buy a new Swiffer -- mine got trashed.
I also took Duchess (my cat) the vet on Monday. Last week, she ate a floor nail - a 3 inch curved one. She threw it up, but didn't continue vomiting, so I thought she was okay. However, she hasn't been eating much lately, so I wanted to get her checked out. Over $200 later and we think she has scratched her throat. The vet took blood so I am waiting on those results still.
After the vet, I came back and worked on the bathroom for a bit - hand and knees scrubbing the floor. It was a bit disgusting -- been awhile since it got a good clean. I cleaned up and decided to make a quick run to the mall -- I have a wedding on Saturday and nothing to wear. No luck there - I was at the mall for an hour -- checked Macy's, Penney's, Vivace's and some other mall shop - nothing I remotely liked. Of course, the fact that I am up 10 pounds from where I was a few months ago might have something to do with it.
My contractor stopped by on Monday afternoon - asked what needed to be done. He tried to blame my floor guy for some problems. However, believe me the floor guy (my ex) had incentive to get his job right - plus, he's a major perfectionist. I still haven't seen the plumber in days. And my phone service is down for the whole house -- not sure why. My electrician did stop in yesterday. He isn't done, but was able to determine the problem with the phone comes directly from the box outside, so I called the telephone company. They are going to look at it sometime between yesterday and 6 p.m. on Wednesday. So, I'll have to keep monitoring that.
Well, I still have a ton to do. But, I am making progress. My Open House is only a few weeks away, so I am continuing to press on. I'll keep you posted.
