Thursday, March 31, 2005

Boyfriend Saga Continues

***HTML composer still not working! Sorry!***

So, the boyfriend went to Aruba while I was on travel for my job. I wasn't thrilled that I couldn't go because of work. But, I encouraged him to go.

He actually thought of me, not just once, but at least twice while there. He bought me the cutest little magnet (I have a ton of them at work) and a rock from the beach. It surprised me -- it was thoughtful of him. I really liked it.

And things are much better in the bedroom. I think he's been listening to me. If they continue to get better, I will be thrilled.

I haven't told him how I feel yet. I am waiting for the right time. Also, I want to be sure that we are totally compatible first. As I get older, I have just realized that love isn't enough. Revealing too much now really would just make breaking up harder for both of us. (Of course, I am hoping that won't happen.)

So, keep your fingers crossed for me. I am hoping this keeps getting better.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Truly Disturbing, But Honest TV Ad

**My compose/html editor is still not working. Sorry about that!"

You have got to watch this. It's an ad from the French Ministry of Justice. Check out: In case you don't read French like me, the copy at and it says, "1 in 10 women in France today are the victim of domestic violence. Do something before it's too late."

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Follow Up to Last Weekend's Birthday Trip

**My html editor isn't working, so excuse the blandness of this.**

Well, last week I went with Jay on our big weekend away for his birthday. It was good overall. We had a great time and needed absolutely no space to ourselves in those 30 hours together. We went to a museum and an aquarium, both of which we really enjoyed. We had dinner at one of the sports places where you spend more on the video games than you did the meal. I actually really enjoyed the sports place, at least playing the games. We both had fun.

We did have some serious talk time. Basically, I asked some questions and explained what I was seeing going on with our relationship. He answered some of my questions, which explained some of the issues. For example, he is feeling guilty about the premarital sex. He's Catholic. Yet he has been having premarital sex for over 15 years. I was a bit perplexed. I asked if he thought his parents thought he was virgin at 40. He said yes, he did. Based on everything he said, here's my analysis. It seems that basically he feel guilty about the sex. That's why he never initiates. This way, he's the victim, not the pursuer. He would feel worse if he initiated. It also explains a bit of why he isn't very aggressive in bed.

However, we also talked about how tired he is. I asked him if he could try to get more sleep doing the week. I told him if I was that tired when my girlfriend wanted to make love, I would find a way to get more sleep. Some of this may be age-related, but I think the Catholic guilt factors in along with some possible medical issue. I think he may have low testerone, which could be the reason he takes a lot more work on my behalf to keep things happening. Of course, how do you bring that up? I told him I enjoy making love with him (and I do) and I asked him to talk to his doctor about his being tired. I am hoping he explains everything to the doctor, but we'll see.

I also gave him a bit more direction in bed than normal. He didn't seem to mind and did what I asked. So, I really liked the sex more this weekend.

Basically, I told him what I needed in order for this relationship to work. The most important thing I told him is that I want to be a preference. Jay doesn't have strong feelings on a lot of things. (e.g. ME: Where do you want to eat? Jay: It's up to you. I like everything.) I don't want to be the one he wants just because I am the one who is there. I want him to be passionate about me. I want him to want me as much as I want him. I want to feel special. I try to give him whatever he needs and make him feel good about himself.

If he cannot make these things happen, then I am not sure things will work out. He is away this week, but he did say he would miss me, which I thought was sweet.

Next month is the sixth month. This is where it get serious. I don't date someone I don't want to marry past the sixth month. I am getting too old to waste my time with someone who isn't going to work out.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Commonly Confused English Words.

This is an interesting quiz - Commonly Confused English Words. I got it from Daan Of course, how can I not like a quiz that labels me as an English Genius. Doesn't happen very often!

English Genius
You scored 93% Beginner, 86% Intermediate, 87% Advanced, and 77% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog:

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 22% on Beginner
You scored higher than 13% on Intermediate
You scored higher than 13% on Advanced
You scored higher than 76% on Expert
Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid

Friday, March 11, 2005

Off for our first weekend together

Well, tomorrow morning Jay and I are leaving for our first away trip together. We are planning to go to a museum, an aquarium, to see a parade, and dinner out. Keep your fingers crossed. I am a bit nervous as he's been a little distant this week.

He said he was excited about our trip, but I wonder with him. He of course only said this after I said I was excited, wasn't he. I don't know why I ask these questions.

I planned this for two reasons. One - he had a big birthday this month and no one made a fuss - a sin in my book. Two - I wanted to see how we would do this long together and in a different element. We always do the same things on our dates and I'm afraid of a rut when we've only dated 5 months.

He made a few comments this week that seemed to indicate I am overinvolved or care too much too early. I'm not exactly sure as it was vague to say the least. So, I didn't call him for three days. He called today to confirm plans for tomorrow, but didn't seem to notice. I hate having to do this. I feel like it's playing games and it's annoying. But, it seems to be what he wants.

Anyway, hopefully all will go well. I'll report in next week.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Fish or Cut Bait?

You know that feeling that comes with starting a new relationship? Everything about him is new and interesting. Every date provides a small piece of what seems like the largest jigsaw puzzle in the world. When you are still searching out the secrets to how he ticks. You haven't met his parents or many friends yet, so you really are in your own little world together. You smile just thinking of him, yet still puzzle over what he says or does. What did he mean by that? You can't read his face yet, so you have to look a bit harder than normal. You just want to eat and breathe him. It's the euphoria of a new relationship, the beginning of the beginning.

Well, I'm nearing the end of the beginning.

Most men would have no idea what that means. Specifically, we are reaching that place/time in the relationship when I must make a decision. You can wallow in the euphoria oblivious to the outside world for only so long. And when you're my age and you think you may want children someday, you need to fish or cut bait at about 4 to 6 months.

Well, it's been four months. I am definitely feeling a need to make a decision. I feel like something is supposed to happen. I can't afford to waste time on a relationship that is going nowhere. While I don't quite feel the clock ticking, I do know where the clock sits. I feel like if I lean just a little further forward, I'll hear my first tick.

Now, I'm not saying I want to definitely marry this guy, but I know I definitely don't want to NOT marry this guy. Make sense?

Basically, I'm like J. alot. I may even be falling for this guy. I enjoy him so much more than I ever thought I would. I've blogged about him before. He's great. He's nice, funny, has a great job that he loves, and he treats me well. He does the funniest accents and makes me laugh. He's a bit older than me, turning 40 this month.

He is very similar to my father. I've heard that most people end up with someone like one of their parents. How you ask? He's a bit gruff - not anywhere close to a metrosexual. He wears the flannel shirt. He doesn't like to talk about emotional stuff. He is also very easy to please - no strong preferences on most things in life.

So, what the problem?

I'm afraid. I'm afraid that he is the one and he's not what I had envisioned for myself. I want someone who openly adores me. I know he likes me, but he doesn't adore me -- there's no whispers of "you look beautiful today" or "you are one sexy woman." There are no spur of the moment flowers. There aren't even special occasion flowers. I have to lead in some areas of our relationship or they just wouldn't happen.

I am afraid of spending my life with someone who really doesn't love me, but just likes me well enough. I don't want to be another "no strong preference one way or another." I fear waking up 30 years from now with an old man with zero sex drive, who wants to spend all his time tinkering in his workshop, never talking to his wife.

Will I still think his accents are cute? Will I grow to resent never seeing my husband on Saturday afternoons every fall for 30 years because college football is on? Will it bother me that he has no strong preferences for most things in life?

I don't know. And I don't know if I have to know right now. I'm just beginning to panic slightly. I feel myself holding back from letting him know how I truly feel.

While we have been seeing each other steadily, I haven't met many of his friends and we've only gone out with my friends once. So, I haven't seen much of him in his natural setting. We went to a party at one friend's house just a few weeks ago. It was good. It was also very interesting to see how he acted in this situation.

Well, I've read and re-read this post over several days. Last week he was on travel for two days and I missed him. When I don't talk to him, I find myself just longing for his voice. When I hear his ring on my cell, I smile just knowing its him.

I do love him. There's no denying that. The rest I'll just have to figure out later...