Corona Red Roses

The One - He was Just Here!

Allen came into town two weekends ago, but I wasn't able to finish this post until today. Enjoy.


In my opinion, he is the one. But, I am not it means what I think it does. Maybe he's the one I'll love forever, but not the one I will be involved with again. I still look at him with a certain amount of hunger and desire. He's just so amazing. His mind, his face, and his body -- it's like the first time I remember him in high school. I just never thought he was interested in me. I hotshot he was just unavailable. Untouchable. But, oh so attractive. I know my memory of him is now somewhat tainted.

I love it when he's around. He makes me happy. I even love doing errands with him - helping him pick our new clothes, check our furniture or pick new glasses. This man is seriously sexy. With the slight 5 o'clock shadow, his dark hair and those eyes just seem so soulful. And wow - can he fill out a suit.

I know I am definitely focusing on Allen. I also know it will fade to the background after he's been gone a few days. I try not to do this to myself, but I cannot help it.

Sunday, as we lay on the blanket beside the river, I felt such a draw to him. I don't think he feels the same which makes it worse. You know it hurts that he doesn't find me as attractive as he once did. And it's me, I know I've gained alt east 20 pounds since he last saw me naked and I'm self conscious about it. But, I did enjoy flirting with him, just remembering what it was like when we were together.

Plus, it's the whole bi-thing. Convential thought is that means twice the sex. But, for him that doesn't seem to be true a tall. He so picky that gender cannot be condition. H seems to be not really seeking, but just aware of who is around him. I think he is unaware of the effect he has on me, I am hoping anyway. When he told me that he was bisexual, it really did bother me at first. But, somehow, now it just doesn't seem to matter.

I can't stop myself from feeling the way I do. I can't help it. I don't know how to stop it. Sometimes I feel myself starting to slip. I just want to reach over and touch him. Some of this I can do, but I am careful in how I go about it. Most of the time, I really don't want him to know. I am somewhat embarrassed that I have been unable to move on. And I have to admit to a certain amount of fear that he will discover my feelings. I really fear him telling me directly that this is never going to happen. That would be more crushing, more anything than actually not knowing.

I really want him -- mostly I just want to be with him. I am not looking for our relationship to change, but I would love to add a more physical component to it. I do recognize that I am probably incapable of separating physical intimacy from the romance. I probably would end up taking that final leap of faith and fall in love -- then I would fall on my face.

But, oh how I am still so tempted. I've tasted the forbidden fruit and in some manner only hunger for more. Wow - I didn't realize I had considered so many aspects of this fantasy. Maybe I am starting to make it worse. I need to get off this topic and more on.

posted by Corona Red @ 5:14 PM 4 comments

Guest Room Revived

Okay, since my roommate moved out in October, I've been trying to decide what to do with my guest room. It's just ugly.

I first redid the closet -- I knew what I wanted to do with it. Yes, I want people to be able to hang their clothese in there when they visit. But, I primarily wanted it to be a craft/wrapping/sewing/storage closet. So, I built these great shelves with molding on the front into the corner of the closet. Then, I shortened the hanging rod so it only extends halfway now. I then installed a few more hooks high up in the closet to hang my extra luggage. I hate hauling it down to the basement, only to haul it back up each time to pack.

I also picked out a new comforter. I really love it.

I ordered a new bed - it was on sale with free shipping!!

I also picked a wall color and started on the whole painting process.

However, I've hit a snag. The windows are new, but the frames are pieces of junk. I really hate them. But, noone seems to just remove the windows and put them back. At the same time, I wanted to change out the drywall about 3 feet all the way around. Well, I got one estimate - $1800. Can you believe that? And I am not even getting new windows -- just taking out the old ones, putting in a wood frame, and putting the old window back. There is no way I am paying that much. Supposedly, someone has a friend who may be able to help me. I hope so. That just seems crazy.

So, I am at somewhat of a standstill. I am going to finish painting the two walls without windows. Then, I am going to find someone to help me with the windows and drywall.

I've decided now that I am going to replace the drywall on the two walls with windows - it's like $600. Much more responsible and it will really make it look so much better. I've got another estimate tomorrow, so we'll see.

I'll post pictures soon!

posted by Corona Red @ 11:07 AM 2 comments